Just a step at a time

That's all I can do, and that's all that it takes. I will be learning this lesson well into my next twelve lives, I suppose. Here's my thought: all this knitting dissatisfaction, all these balls of yarn attached to little bits of random knitting, all these needles stuck in big blobs of knitting, are a sign. The sign says Settle Down. I have been careening again.

I have no pictures of knitting progress to share, because there hasn't been any progress. Well, I do have the cuff of a Jaywalker sock, looking good so far in Koigu on 2.5mm needles. But no picture. I have one finished washcloth, which might end up being mine because all of a sudden I have an urge to knit with hemp, and I think hemp might make a spectacular washcloth. Linen would work, too. I have no hemp, and no linen either. Oh, dear, it looks like I'll have to drive to the North Fork and see if the yarn shop has some (of course I could call and inquire, but that would be sensible, and I need a yarn shop fix anyway). If not, I'll order it this afternoon.

See where this is going? All over the place, that's where. And in the car, too.

I will declare right here that this is what I want to do:

• Finish V's other sock (I'm almost to the heel flap). She deserves to have toasty toes while she's feeding her chickens on cold winter mornings.
• Keep Jaywalking, because I want to get to the point where I can tell if this one will fit. If it doesn't, I'll make some more adjustments.
• Swatch some Manos for a revised Wildflower sweater. V-neck pullover, raglan or drop shoulder. Whichever. That yarn is beginning to bug me to do something with it, something besides the lumpy sweater I started in the spring.
• Start spinning some of the delicious fibers I purchased this year. Spinning gives me knitting ideas, anyway. I have no grand plans for any of it yet; it needs to be explored first. And wouldn't it be lovely to explore it on a Real Rick Reeves wheel? Oh no, not that again! Save that wish for the New Year!
• Knit mindlessly. If I go with this washcloth idea, in hemp or not, I only need to make four of them. That's just a few DVD's worth of knitting, tops.

This is what I do not want to do:

• Fuss or fret over anything Knitting. I have enough Life and Work stuff to fuss and fret over.
• Attempt to do any Christmas knitting that is not as simple as a washcloth or a scarf. Even the scarf option is dangerous.

~:~

I have some emails to write to some knitting friends who have been patient for too long, but I have a problem:

She's as good an excuse as any, I suppose. Really, there's no excuse. I'm typing now, aren't I, even though I keep having to shove a rather large head out of my way? I would like those knitting friends to know that I love them, and that I'll tell them so real soon.

~:~

P.S. I just visited Margene's blog and what do you think she has to say today?

"Use knitting time as a way of reconnecting with yourself and to find quiet,
contemplative time during this season of mania. Be good to you!"

All righty, then!

Is it over yet?

Well, it is for me. I have the day off. I was tempted to get out there and do some shopping, but I can't bring myself to do it. I'm not talking about Christmas shopping -- I need the basics, like TP and coffee. I don't do the CrazedHolidayShopper thing anyway. Since I spend most of my time on the receiving end of the craziness, I have developed some very strong opinions about people who seem to enjoy being herded and manipulated by the Christmas Shopping Machine.

Thanksgiving weekend shopping at the bookstore has a very different vibe. Yes, it's very crowded. Yes, there are a few crabby, unhappy people (most of them are overindulged children). For the most part, it is a pleasure to watch customers browse and discover that perfect book for someone they love, or to help them narrow down their choices. I love to hear that we are the Best Bookstore, that we are the Most Knowledgeable Staff, and that we Always Have the Book They Need. It's all true, and it can't be said about Amazon, or B&N, or anybody else except another independent bookstore. You'll never hear a little boy walk into B&N and declare, "Do you smell that smell? It's books that haven't been read yet!" Oh, I do love my work.

~:~

Gobble, gobble.

I have no Thanksgiving pictures worth sharing, except this silly plate of appetizers. We cooked and cooked, and timed and retimed, and when the turkey had to go back in the oven for another hour because I miscalculated something, J and I accepted defeat. I went downstairs for a little cry, she washed some dishes, and nothing was the same after that. Dinner, when it finally happened, was delicious. But we were done. Done in. Over it. Ready to move on.

~:~

Knitting? Something has gone wrong there, too. I have been too tired to do anything satisfying or right. My Jaywalker sock had to be frogged (it would have fit someone, just not me). My scarf in Brooks Farm yarn that looks like pansies went the way of the sock (it just didn't thrill me), and I haven't found the right stitch or pattern yet. I started another Jaywalker in Koigu KPPPM, on larger needles, to see if that will make a difference. I decided to make washcloths for all the women at work, and I have some lovely little soaps to go with them, so I started one of those. That's working out -- mindless knitting is what I need right now, since I think I lost my mind this week.

So today, lovely quiet day that it promises to be, I will rest and refill the well. I'll knit mindlessly, watch movies, do some laundry, and that's that. I have a busy month ahead of me, and I need a day like this.

Oh, and I can't forget to say this: I am a grateful woman. I have a job that I love, a sweet little home shared with a sweet fur person, dear family and old friends, precious-beyond-measure new friends, knitting that saves me, and the prospect of being able to say this again next year. The Thanksgiving holiday is a bittersweet one for me, but I know that the bits and bouts of sadness that I feel mean that I've lived to tell the tale, and that's got to be a good thing.

Girls Knit

Well, they're on their way. The first R loves her handspun yarn, and thought she'd invented a new way to knit. She was disappointed when I told her that she was knitting Continental, but I was pretty impressed, since I'd showed her American! The second R kept measuring and measuring. Three inches just didn't seem right, but that's a lot, considering all the fun and silliness that went on around the table. By the end of the afternoon (long after dark, really) they were tired, but happy and proud. Me, too.

Spun, plied, washed, dried...

...and finished just in time for Girls' Knitting Afternoon! I think the R will like it, too. The other R will get some handspun from me sooner or later, when I am inspired by something she would like. Everything must balance in the world of twins, you know, especially when you're the Auntie to two Incredible R's.

I stuck the little ribbed top of my Jaywalker sock in the picture, just because. I can hardly say I've started, but I do have this much to show. I love this color, this Moss Agate that's all green and purple and best of all deep golden orange. I'd like enough of it for a sweater, please.

I don't know what this Knitting Afternoon will hold, beyond the fun, that is. I am going to teach the R's to knit, and it seems like just yesterday -- not twelve years ago -- that I was knitting two little lace hats for Baby A and Baby B in anticipation of their arrival.

~:~

I went out early to get apples and cheese and most of the other do-dads I'll need for my part of the Thanksgiving dinner. I spend the day with J and her family, since I can't usually get away to be with my own family, and J and I cook and chatter all day. I've added some of my own traditions to the gathering -- we use my grandmother's white linen tablecloth, and make my mother's cranberry relish, and until this year, my mother has made the trip up here from Maryland. She's not able to do that any more. I used to stress about her visits (oh, the story is a loooong one), but not having her here now just makes me sad. I'll need the laughter and the cooking and the knitting-while-the-turkey-cooks (because you can be sure we'll want to get in a little practice!).

~:~

It's time to pack up the yarn and the needles and the books and the camera. Off I go!

Jaywalking!

I've joined the Jaywalker Knitalong over at Cara's blog. How could I resist? There'll be a drawing for a skein of Socks That Rock! It's a nice pattern, and Cara's STR versions show off the yarn and the design quite nicely. I'll be making my pair with a gorgeous colorway called Moss Agate, which was part of my embarrassing haul modest purchase of yarn from The Fold at Rhinebeck.

I'm cranking along on the second sock for V, so I guess I can handle another sock or two. I need to get spinning, though, or I won't have any, much less enough, California Red for the Sweet R. Oh, drat! Time is not on my side.

~:~

Most of the books in my pre-emptive mega-order have arrived at the store, so I feel like I can relax just a little. However, I spent a good part of the day in the basement, hauling stuff around so there'd be room to store the mega-order, and I did myself in. Which do I prefer, stress or pain? Is there a difference? Motrin and a rest will help, but will there be any knitting? Hmmm...

At least the model was cooperative

I tried to take an arty yet illustrative shot of my NewBeginningsProject Scarf, but it's just too cloudy and windy out there. This is it, though, in all its glory. I wish you could touch it; it's soft and drapey and well, silky. And it smells so good, too (I really love the smell of silk).

I did a little more California Red spinning this morning. I hope I get enough done by Sunday, so I can give it to the R who wants to knit with it. I love my Ashford, I really do. I've rarely felt the desire to have something BiggerBetterFaster. The possibility of K's Real Reeves, though? It has me going. I guess I'd better find out how much money I need to save.

There was a knittin' thing over at the library today, a sort of festival/meet-up/show-and-tell. Most of my knitting circle was there, and many more who'd heard about it through the grapevine. H, who dreamed it up and coordinated it (as she has most of the local knittin' things), put together a nice program and collected lots of little prizes to draw for, and everyone had a lot of fun. This is the same group of knitters that has caused me to moan and groan in the past, but I have to take some of it back. I'm learning to like them, and they seem to like me. I guess we just needed to get to know each other, and I know I needed a little bit of an attitude adjustment. Today was a lot of fun, and I'm looking forward to our regular meeting tomorrow. Oh, and I won a little pair of scissors and a bar of sweet soap!

~:~

I am waiting for the weather to do something. It's been in the sixties for two days straight, hardly dipping at night, even. I want to wear scarves! Wooly socks! Sweaters! I want to wear layers! Is that too much to ask of the end of November? Hardly! The blustery wind signals the beginning of the change, though. When I get the Weather Migraine I'll know for sure.

~:~

Thanksgiving is in just one week! In my bookstore world, that means I'm really busy and stressed, and I'm sure that I'll forget to order something important. Every year I have a moment when I experience a Book Failure. I turn to the staff, stricken, and tell them that they'll have to take orders for copies of my Failure, and I am so, so sorry, but who knew that whatever it is would actually get good reviews and be featured on Oprah, or that the news of its fantastic-ness would reach us after the shipping deadline? They have learned to put up with me, to help me by searching the basement for a missing copy or twelve, and to tell me it's okay, nobody really wants to read that book anyway.

This year will be different: I have pre-emptively mega-ordered all the books that will go out of stock before Christmas [Hey, Rachel, Random House says they are going to run out of Bedside Book of Birds!], I've anticipated trends by scouring the New York Times, and I've made sure that I consult C, the buyer and general manager, every ten minutes or so. Well, not really, but I have been working hard to prevent Book Failure. I am actually pretty good at what I do, and I do know it, which is why the staff humors me during the Holidays. Or maybe it's because I give them gifts...

A floral offering and a bit of knitting

Isn't this beautiful? It's the first time this little Christmas Cactus has bloomed -- it was given to me last year by the Thoughtful R's, and I've done my best to care for it properly (actually, I was just trying to keep it alive). The flowers are just gorgeous, and there are buds on every leaf tip.

~::~

Here's some of what I've been doing with my Sunday: I'm spinning up my California Red roving so that one of those R's can learn to knit with a reminder of her favorite Rhinebeck sheep. I'd almost forgotten what it feels like to spin "thick" yarn. I figure that this will ply to something like light worsted, and it will suit a beginner. I find myself sitting down to spin for a few minutes, then getting up to do something else, like this:

I finally came up with just the right combination of pattern and yarn for V's socks. It only took me two years...

The yarn is Cherry Tree Hill Supersock in the Martha's Vineyard colorway, and the pattern is Erica Alexander's Cable Rib Socks from IK Spring 2005. I've only gotten as far as the heel flap on the first sock, but that's good; I've re-started these socks at least three times, never getting beyond the first two inches.

It was the Lantern Moon DPN's. They were calling out to be used, so I responded. I've wanted a set for a long time, and I got them at the Retreat. These are US 1's; by the time I realized that I'd be a fool not to get some US 2's as well, both vendors were sold out. That'll teach me. Impulses are to be heeded! More needles = more socks! It's all about the socks!

I finished my New Beginnings Scarf (Bess has her NBS, too, only it's a beautiful sweater) and it's blocked and drying. Silk takes a long time to dry. A really long time. Especially when it's boucle (lots of silkiness there, you know). I'm trying to be patient, but it's hard. I'm thrilled with how it turned out -- it's more than six feet long, and just four inches wide, so it wraps and drapes to perfection. I'll post a picture if it ever dries...

So here's my plan: [I do keep making plans don't I? I mean well, and I'm earnest enough, but my follow-through stinks.] Anyway. I'm going to work a little bit every day on some of the beautiful but neglected projects (like V's socks). I'm not going to give myself a hard time about them, because I don't have any deadlines. I'll just knit along on This and That, and keep planning the reincarnation of my Manos Wildflower sweater. It might need to be something as simple as a v-neck pullover, and stockinette from one end to the other. I don't want to fight the beautiful colors, but I don't want to look like a giant sno-cone either.

I guess I really am a Process Knitter. I leave a trail of unfinished pieces behind me, but I'm having fun and learning a lot. I do finish things eventually, I've realized, so there's no reason to panic like I did in the summer. I'm over that phase. My stash isn't out of control, but there's enough there to satisfy most of my knitting urges. I want to spend more time spinning, and playing with all the lovely fibers that I've accumulated lately.

That brings me to my deepest, darkest desire of the fiberly kind: I really want to think about buying K's Reeves wheel because he might be wanting to part with it, and it's the most beautiful thing in the world, and it was made by Rick Reeves Himself, and K has taken such good care of it, and every time I go to his house it's there, sweet and golden, and when I stayed at K's last week it was in my room and I swear I heard it say something to me (or it might have been the little boy scaredy-cat, but I think it really was the wheel). However, I have much to consider before acting on this desire, like space (of which I have none, even for another spinning wheel), and cost (because while K is generous, he is not a fool).

Go ahead, you can think it -- it's not like I don't know it already: I'm a goner.

No, not exactly. The considerations are really very important, and since I know that K has no deadline, I get to take my time.

KR Retreat Part Two (in which Jane Gets On With It)

I returned to work on Tuesday to find the following note attached to the cash register:

Welcome to my world.

I've been reading and enjoying all the KR threads and blog posts about the Retreat. Everyone has written so well about the beautiful weather, the mountain setting of Graves, the delicious food (and Nathan!), and the knitterly companionship that was inspired by Clara. The longer I'm home, the more I realize what an extraordinary experience I had.

• We saw many, many beautiful and innovative garments created by knitters of all levels of experience.
• We listened to tales of inspiration and knitting triumphs (as well as some nightmares).
• There were as many knitting styles in the room as there were knitters, and it was fun to compare techniques.
• Spinners were born, at wheels and with spindles, and with laughter all around (laughter seems to melt the frustration).
• Everywhere I turned there were knitters in twos and threes, heads bent over projects, conversations rising and falling (mostly rising; the decibel level was intense!) as they worked away on everything from swatches to socks.
• Through it all wound Clara, who I'd see somewhere else in the room every time I looked up.
• Sunday morning's "New Beginnings" session, when we wrote a letter to ourselves, sealed it, and placed it in Clara's care, was the most emotional part of the Retreat for me. I wonder what I will think when I open the envelope next year? The little blue scarf in the photo below is the project I began then, when we got to go around the room and have everyone knit a few stitches. If there's a better way to remember this special weekend, I don't know what it could be.
• The overflowing bin of knitting for the Dulaan Project inspired me to continue making hats and scarves to send all though the year.
• Clara's yarn talk was perfect. And I thought I knew yarn...
• The toe-up sock class that was taught by Sheila was enough to get me to re-think my next pair. Why, I'll never run out of Socks That Rock yarn if I start at the toe!
• The Saturday afternoon marketplace, and Jen's Sunday trailer sale, provided me with some lovely treats! Knitter's Review Boutique goodies, Targhee/Alpaca/Silk/Cashmere roving, CVM combed top, Silk boucle yarn for a scarf, and a set of Lantern Moon Ebony DPNs.

~:~:~

It's time for me to re-enter my own world now. There's the usual Wednesday list of errandy things, Annabelle needs some comfort (she does not have fun when I am away), and my little home is a big mess. I have lots of knitting and spinning to do, too. At the top pf the list: spin some California Red for one of the dear R's to learn to knit with next weekend.

KR Retreat Part One (in which Jane Gets Over It)

Imagine that you are a slightly apprehensive person (see previous entry) who is about to embark upon a Knitting Adventure. Your day begins badly on several other levels (the apprehension thing is easy in comparison), and you spend much of your day reasoning and sorting and sniffling and Getting Over It, but you must do it in the car, along with all the other cars crammed onto Route 66 on Friday afternoon. You drive and drive and drive, managing to become more excited, less distressed, and less apprehensive with every mile, and you end up here:

Graves Mountain Lodge, Sunday morning

You spend much of your time on this Knitting Adventure doing something like this:

Knitting on the porch at the Knitter's Review Retreat

You spend the remainder of your time laughing your you-know-what off and being fed large meals consisting mainly of apples and carbohydrates. Why in the world would you want to come home?

~:~:~

Not a fair question. I am happy to be home. I am pretty happy, period. I'm still processing all the wonderful experiences I had with the fabulous KR knitters, so I'll post more over the next few days.

I wish I'd taken lots of pictures, but I didn't. I met so many people who were on my "Oh, I'd Love To Meet Her!" List that my head is spinning (Ha! A pun!), and so many who I just got lucky enough to spend a little time with. My roommate was a real gem (Double ha! Another one!) and I am so happy that Clara paired us up.

I came home a better knitter, a happier spinner, and a renewed Jane. I made new friends who I already cherish. I have some lovely new fiber to spin and yarn to knit. I can't ask for more than that.

But then I stop

At this rate I'll be knitting this scarf for the rest of my life, or at least until sometime next year. I think I want to rip it out and start over. The pattern isn't the best choice for the yarn, it turns out -- not enough drape, too much manipulation needed. I keep losing a stitch at the edge of the cable because the yarn is just so slippery. Knitting is supposed to be fun, right? And relaxing? And I am a strong advocate of the "choose the best yarn/pattern for the pattern/yarn," aren't I? Yeah, it's history.

I woke up at 4:06 this morning. Four-oh-six! At first, I was just running Retreat scenarios in my head, pleasant meanderings that were nice to dream about. Then my weary but overactive brain moved on to Retreat Nightmare scenarios: What if they find out I am really just a crappy knitter? What if I say or do something outrageously stupid, or what if -- horror of horrors -- they just don't like me?

I freely admit that in the wakeful wee hours of the morning I am apt to encounter my scared, insecure ten-year-old self, the Jane I have to step over every time I am in a new place, or I am unsure of my bearings. I would like to say that I laugh at her, at her little voice, those blue pointy glasses, at her wacky unruly hair...but in truth, she lives in my house and I love and respect her because she reminds me of how far I have come.

She's the uncomfortable-looking blonde one.

So what do I do? Get up and make the coffee. Decide that this scarf is not the delight I thought it was going to be. Think about something else (the Work Nightmare scenarios are always available, and they are more likely to be real). Get on with the day. At this point the sun is rising and the trees outside my window are beginning to glow. The heat is coming on, and I am about to get another cup of coffee. I am getting ready to go off to work, to another Tuesday filled with books. Tomorrow, though, I'll get ready to leave on my little trip. On Thursday I'll see V and visit my mother. On Friday I'll bring my Old Jane with me to Graves, but maybe I can convince her to wait in the car.