Bobbing along

I started a new scarf last night. It's not that I don't have any knitting going on, but that this skein of yarn has been calling to me. It's Sundara's Aqua over Terracotta sock yarn, given to me by my friend Kris. He had an extra. It sat at the corner of my desk for a few weeks, where I could keep an eye on it. Finally, the right pattern came along -- Anne Hanson's lovely Rivolo scarf.


I think this is one of Sundara's most beautiful colors, and of course I'm incapable of capturing it. When she dyes a color and names it Something Over Something, I pay attention. I do have a lot of her yarn in my stash, but I don't hold on to it just because it's precious. I knit with it, as often as possible. I just don't understand the current (Ravelry-fueled) atmosphere of stalking and hoarding and collecting, of complaining about her update process or her website, of being jealous of people who purchase any, let alone enough for a project... it's just yarn. Beautiful yarn, often stunningly so, but still just yarn. It's meant to be used.

Moving on now... Radiation treatments continue, and so does the plain pair of socks that have accompanied me on most of my medical adventures this summer. I'm at the heel of the second sock, so one of these days I'll be done. With the socks and the medical adventures.

This particular adventure -- radiation -- is not all that hard to tolerate, but I am worn out. Fatigued. I have fatigue the way you have a cold, or a sprain, or some other condition. It's real (I always thought of it as something I had to power through), and it's not like being tired or sleepy. It's as if I can go forward, but only on low speed. Strange, but annoying. The other side effects are just plain annoying.

I'm getting lots of rest and eating really good food (protein! fruit & veggies! water!), and that helps. I'm also going to work for a few hours each day, which is good for my spirits. I'm just bobbing along with the current. In a few weeks it will be time to start chemo, which will put other stresses on my system, but I'll be ready.

Bit by bit, row by row, I'm getting there. I can't see the other shore just yet, but I know it's there!

Anchored

Becca and I went to the ocean yesterday. There's always something to be said for a quick visit to the beach, but last night was a special treat, my first in a long time. She came out from the city to see me through my first radiation treatment, which was on Friday (I would recommend my niece Rebecca to anyone who needs a calm companion in an unfamiliar situation, only I've got first dibs).

The air had cooled a bit, but it had that salty, misty haze that lingers after a hot day and sticks to glasses and camera lenses and skin. We stood there for a long time, letting our feet sink deeper and deeper into the sand with each wave, or sometimes walking up and down the beach. That dizzy, unbalanced moment -- when you are planted safely while the whole ocean recedes around you -- feels a lot like living life.

J is for

Strawberry Jam.

Last month (or eons ago, which is what it feels like) my sister decided to make jam. She was here to stay after I had surgery, and it just so happened that it was strawberry season. We had strawberries with almost every meal, and Sarah was always going out to buy more at one or several of the local farm stands. One time she came home with the ingredients for freezer jam, along with about five quarts of ripe berries (I won't link because the recipe is on the back of every Sure Jell or Certo package, and every third blogger made strawberry jam this year).

So now, thanks to my sweet sister, I have enough jam in my freezer to last forever, along with bags and bags of frozen whole strawberries. It's delicious, of course. I like it best on vanilla ice cream, but it's also the star of every peanut butter and jelly sandwich. And when it's cold and dreary this winter, I'll have Sarah's strawberry jam to remind me that another June (and another strawberry season) will be here by and by.

Forward

Once again, I found myself without a fresh sock on the needles. No, no, no. So I cast on this little sock sprout, Anne Hanson's Caterpillar Socks. The yarn is one of Sundara's elusive ones -- Grey over Golden. It wants to photograph orange, when really the grey and golden give the yarn a greenish tone. Anyway, this is the right yarn for the pattern. I though about making something lacey, but this color doesn't want to be lace.



I finished the Artichoke socks in the middle of the night. I've been sleeping well lately, but I wake up at odd times and I'm just not sleepy any more, so I get up. Without a work routine I can't really tell myself that I must go back to sleep because I have to be up at 5:30. For the time being I don't have to be up until I'm darn well ready. So I knit most of this pair in the wee hours, and finished them while I watched yet another episode of Law and Order. If I happen across one, I can't seem to change the channel. Sad. The socks are nice, though!

This week I'll be starting the next phase of this thing known as Having Cancer -- I'm going to have a short course of radiation, once a week for four weeks, which will be followed by chemotherapy after a two- or three-week break. The original idea had been to start chemo as soon as I was well enough, but after consulting with a radiation oncologist we decided that this is the best course. It's more insurance against a recurrence in the future. I'm very comfortable with the plan, because I want the best outcome and I'm willing to put up with what it takes to get there.

Every time there's been something new thrown at me -- the radiation consideration, chemo options, etc. -- I get in the car to come home and I'm practically giddy. Judy and I laugh as she drives down the highway, because who in their right mind would be giddy when told they have to have chemo and they'll lose their hair? Me. I'm giddy because at least I know. I have answers, I have a plan, and that makes me feel powerful. I am powerful.

And hey, I just might have curly hair when it grows back.

I is for

Little green iPod Nano.

I really am indulging my whims lately. It's practical, because I'll have a lot more time to listen to books and music in the coming months. It's also just so darn cute that it makes me smile. There you go -- it has healing properties!

I finished this scarf the other day and blocked it yesterday. The yarn is Spirit Trail Fiberworks Ixchel, 100% Prime Alpaca in "Soft Greens." I love the way it turned out -- the way the little blocks play against each other, the way the colors shift across the surface, the incredible luxury of the yarn. Now all I have to do is write up the pattern and hope that Jennifer likes it enough to display it in her booth this Fall.

I had to have something small to work on along with the big Tuscany shawl, so I found a pattern in my Ravelry queue that looked just the right amount of mindless. They're Megan Humphrey's Artichoke Socks, and I'm using Sundara's sock yarn in "Peacock and Purple." I'll probably finish them in the next few days, so I'll wait to post a photo.

I'm determined to catch up on my ABC's, so look for my J in the next few days. I'll make it to M yet!

My gratitude to all of you who have commented or emailed continues to deepen. I'm floating along on the gentle waves of love and energy that you're sending, and finding that staying afloat isn't such a difficult thing to do after all.