Too much

Hydrangea Neck Warmer in Gobi

Too much winter makes me cranky. Snow on snow, colder and colder. The days may be growing longer, but they just begin to feel endless. A cold has kept me home for a couple of days, though, and I've been knitting and making soup and trying to pull myself out of the pit I seem to be in. I think I see the way out, but I still have a climb ahead of me.

Simple Baktus in Cormo/Mohair

Watching Annabelle as she fades is hard, but I don't really realize it until something in her behavior changes. She likes the idea of eating more than her body wants food. I open a fresh can, offering her whatever she wants, just in case she does want to eat. She peers at it, sometimes taking a bite, sometimes not. She knows best, and I'm trying to listen to her.

Of course I don't want her to go, but I am determined not to keep her here longer than she needs to be. I don't want to think about daily life without my little sentinel, but I must. I've accompanied many beloved pets to the end of their lives, and yet I don't feel prepared for it now. I look at Annabelle and think that I'm so grateful to her, to this little soul more than any other, for watching over me when I was sick.

This little buff tabby has been a good lesson for me, with her affectionate distance and obvious sense of her own self. She's always been this way; the minute I saw her contemplating me from across the room in the ARF adoption center, I knew she had been sent to me.

Until it's time for her to go, I'll be keeping her as close as she will allow, and listening.

Drifting back

I'm still here!

Nothing monumental has kept me away from the blog. I drifted away; I don't know what else to call it. I've heard from many friends — little notes with worry attached to them, hesitant questions about my absence and my health — and I want to tell you all how dear you are, and how sorry I am to have concerned you.

I'm also a little sorry that lately most of my (spotty) contact with my friends and my family has been through Facebook, because not everyone uses it, and it certainly doesn't replace the blog, or an email, or a call. I want to remedy that.

My life has been occupied with realities, and I suppose they have been enough to have changed my focus and drawn me away from the small bits of writing that I've always done, both here and privately.

My health has been one reality — but it's "just" the chronic lymphedema that is one of the souvenirs of my cancer treatment (my lymphatic system in my legs doesn't function properly any more). I spent a couple of months going for treatment at a Wound Care Center for an infection in one leg, then at Christmas I developed another infection in my other leg. I've made progress, but still, I have to learn how to live with and manage this condition, because I can't function when it's taking over my daily life. That, and I'd like to be able to take a walk.

Another reality — which I've spoken of on Facebook — is that my dear cat Annabelle is seriously ill. At Thanksgiving the vet diagnosed an inoperable tumor in her small intestine, and since then I've been giving and getting all the love I can, and waiting for the time when her little self lets me know she needs to leave. Right this minute, she's purring in her usual place, under the lamp on my desk. She spends her days eating a little, sleeping a lot, and reminding me that she's in charge around here. I'm going to miss her so.

Since having to spend so much time with my feet up, I've been doing a lot of knitting. I made some beautiful Christmas gifts, but did I photograph them? Of course not! There was: a Porom tam in Foxfire Fibers Cormo/Silk/Alpaca, a Honey Cowl in Sundara DK, two Hydrangea Neckwarmers in Spirit Trail Berte and Foxfire Cormo/Silk/Alpaca, a pair of Foxglove mitts in Berrocco Blackstone Tweed, and some silly coffee cup cozies for my coworkers in miscellaneous leftover yarns. I did take a picture of the sock yarn /lavender sachets, though.

So here I am. It's a new year, and the days are already growing longer. I hope I can be present here more often. I've missed it, and I've missed you. ♥

Just like today

Errands, Long Beach, housekeeping, knitting.

Just a typical day off, nothing special. Ho-hum.

I'd like all my days off to be days like today, please!

Random things that are rattling around in my head:

• Rhinebeck is just over three weeks away! Road trip with the girls!
• I have started doing some Christmas knitting and shopping, which is not at all like me.
• Yesterday's Ten on Tuesday was a wake-up call. What is sour milk doing taking up space in my fridge? And more important, why did I tell the world about it?
• There's a little house that I pass on my way to Sag Harbor that I have dreamed about living in since I moved here in 1993. It's tucked under the trees, right on Noyac Road. Why doesn't anyone live there? What is its story? Today I went as far as deciding that a few trees would need to come down so there would be more light inside. Edited to add: This is the house on Google Street View. Isn't it darling?
• Days off should last longer than 24 hours, especially if they are days like today.

Ten on Tuesday: Chilled

Ten Things in My Refrigerator Right Now:

1. Skim milk. I actually like skim milk.
2. Sour skim milk. I might like it, but I forget to drink it before the expiration date, and then I forget to throw it away.
3. Apples. I love this time of year, when the apples are fresh and sometimes even local.
4. Simply Limeade, which has become a staple in my fridge. One of these days I'll switch to something else, but right now it's all limeade all the time. I mix just a little into a glass of seltzer and I'm good.
5. Yogurt. Usually Greek style, but at the moment it's Stonyfield Farms Blueberry.
6. Leftover oven-roasted summer squash. It's tomorrow's dinner, over brown rice.
7. Extra-sharp cheddar cheese. Just a little, because otherwise I'd eat it all up!
8. Salad fixings: lettuce, tomatoes, vinaigrette, etc.
9. Half and half, just for my coffee.
10. Peanut butter. The natural kind that doesn't contain anything but ground peanuts.

All this food talk would make me hungry, but I just ate one of those apples.